This household's version of Clean Mama's "Spring Clean in 30 Challenge". (Clean Mama's originals are listed for purposes of comparison.)
Clean Mama This Mama
1. Dust edges/corners at ceiling 1. Use broom to swipe down
huge cobwebs from corners
at ceiling.
2. Dust edges/corners at ground 2. Repeat process with cobwebs
in lower corners.
3. Clean vents & change filters 3. Peer in vents. Cobwebs too
many for even the broom. Debate
and decide against rescuing
multiple trapped Nerf darts.
Go with God, Nerf darts.
4. Vacuum edges-baseboards 4. Run broom along baseboards.
Heavy coating of cobwebs is
effective in picking up dust.
5. Wash baseboards 5. Whaa? That's not even a thing.
6. Clean front & back door 6. Look at front & back doors. They
look pretty good.
7. Wipe door knobs & doors 7. Wipe knobs with antibacterial wipe.
8. Wipe switch plates 8. Wipe exactly 6 switch plates.
Calculate number of switch plates
left, including how many must be
reached by climbing stairs. 6 is
good percentage.
9. Dust light fixtures 9. Dust single lamp that is within
reach. Light fixtures are high.
10. Freshen disposal & drains 10. Dig slimy cereal from this morning
out of drain; hack hardened bits
off surface of sink.
11. Dust ceiling fans 11. Get stepladder and dust ceiling fans.
12. Clean refrigerator & freezer 12. Look in refrigerator. Throw away
petrified fruit. Pour half-full jar of
spaghetti sauce topped with blue
fuzz down cereal-free drain. Open
freezer and look around. Take out
nearly-empty carton of ice cream
and eat the rest to celebrate
successfully dusting ceiling fans.
13. Clean oven & microwave 13. Start oven self-cleaning cycle.
Scrape, scrub, and smear a layer of
unidentifiable goop off all four
sides of microwave using
"microwave cleaning wipe".
Repeat until fingertips begin
pruning.
14. Clear & clean kitchen counters 14. Clear counter of most of the heaps
of toast crumbs and the largest
smears of Nutella
15. Couches/chairs/slipcovers 15. Move stacks of papers, dirty
dishes, unopened mail, socks,
Nerf, devices & accessories, to
create empty space on the couch.
Sit. Think about what to do next.
16. Kitchen cupboards & drawers 16. Visualize rearranging kitchen
cabinets. Realize you have
accidentally dozed off when you
begin assigning organizing jobs
to the woodland creatures who
are assisting you. Wake up.
Reluctantly.
17. Clean washer & dryer 17. It's the washer. It washes things.
18. Wash windows and mirrors 18. Windows? What windows?
Clean mirrors with Windex
wipes. Virtually no cleaning
job they do not now make a
"wipe" for.
19. Wash window sills 19. Hilarious.
20. Vacuum mattresses & rotate 20. Sit down again briefly to
recover from incapacitating
hysterical laughter episode.
21. Clean bathtubs & showers 21. Decide to regain strength
from Dr. Phil while making
kids clean bathtub/shower.
22. Bathroom counters, sinks, 22. Yell at kids from couch to
and toilets do the sinks and toilets too.
23. Bath mats & shower curtains 23. Throw bath mat in trash.
New one at Walmart is $5.
What are you supposed to
do with shower curtain??
24. Dust all hard surfaces 24. Dust the surfaces. They
make a wipe for this.
25. Wash bedding 25. Look at kids' beds.
Bedding completely
inaccessible, since they
sleep, as your mother says,
"like a homeless person".
Put your own bedding in
washer.
26. Wash curtains and drapes 26. This is why we don't
have curtains or drapes.
27. Clean window blinds 27. Nope.
28. Vacuum all floors and stairs 28. Vacuum floors. Would
not vacuum stairs for all
the tea in China.
29. Wash all floors 29. PEOPLE. SWIFFER
MAKES A WIPE
FOR THIS.
30. Deep clean vacuum cleaner 30. THIS. IS. NOT. A. THING.
Adam says, Day one through thirty...pick up toys. Period. Look at the rest and wait for the fairy to come.
ReplyDeleteIn your stage of life, that's a great summary. Pretty soon, it will change from toys to all Legos, Hot Wheels, and GI Joes. Then, before you know it, you'll join me in the land of balled-up dirty socks inexplicably in the dining room; track uniforms and wet towels in a heap behind the bathroom door; wrappers, glasses, dirty dishes, empty milk cartons, and other evidence of never-ending food consumption on every flat surface; tablets, phones, game cartridges, earbuds, and chargers, OMG CHARGERS EVERYWHERE. And still Nerf weaponry of every size and description. Always Nerf.
ReplyDeletehow did I miss this fabulous post? I must ask - at what point during this cleaning frenzy did you find and dispose of the three tons of garbage under your children' beds?
ReplyDeleteThat wasn't on Clean Mama's list. I'm assuming that to mean it is fine just where it is, until some of it becomes sentient and begins creeping out at night to watch Cold Case reruns, subsisting on a diet of leftover food found under the couch cushions.
Delete